Bad Habits

I had my year end appraisal at work yesterday and it got me thinking about bad habits I have and how I can go about changing them into good habits:

1) Not looking people in the eye.
This is my worst habit, but also the one I am most conscious of and work the hardest at. I don’t mean to be rude, but when I talk to someone I face away from them as much as possible. I don’t know why and I can’t really pinpoint when it started, but my mother pointed it out first about 10 years ago now. Apparently it’s very strange having a 1 on 1 conversation with someone who looks disinterested and is staring at a closed curtain! As I progressed through uni and started job applications I made a big push at make sure I look at people. I now only slip out of it once I let my guard down, but I am really trying!

2) Not being “pushy enough”.
Like I said, I had my work appraisal. I was really pleased with all the comments I received (Quick background, I’m a graduate engineer. Diabetes diagnosis stopped my offshore career temporarily so I’m now desk based. I replaced the most senior engineer on a team last year and was really proud of the achievement of picking up his scope and completing the job) and my manager said I should be proud of what I had done, but that he didn’t think I was. I don’t have enough pride in my work (apparently). When I have completed a task I breathe a sigh of relief and move on. I don’t feel the need to make a song and dance about it and shove it in peoples faces to praise me. I also am “too nice” and if someone tells me no I’ll find an alternative. I don’t know yet how to work on these, but ultimately they are what gave me a poor grade for the year (not AWFUL, but not good either) and the fact I did good work doesn’t counteract it. SO clearly some work is needed!

3) Rotating Injection sites “properly”
My doctor complains about this already and I’ve not been diagnosed for a year yet. he wants me to have an official rota on where I do my injections. Get into the good habit early and it will stay with me for life right? Wrong. I’m a girl, sometimes I wear dresses, on those days my thighs are accessible and my stomach is not. So I use my thighs. If I’m in trousers I use my stomach because my thighs are inaccessible. It makes sense! I do sometimes try to do a right side/left side rotation but I forget. I fully understand why this is necessary, but it’s not easy

4) Snacking between meals
In the honeymoon period this has been easy for me. I can have quite large snacks, 15-20g, with no ill effect on my BG. My problem is I know this won’t continue, the honeymoon will end and so I need to knock this on the head now while I can. Easier said than done though sometimes!

5) Being too hard on myself
You had probably guessed this one was coming, based on the fact I even chose this topic. People have often said that about me, but I’ve noticed it a lot more since having diabetes. I keep a close record of all my readings and when things aren’t going right I can over react and blame myself. Sometimes it’s just not our fault, need to accept that more!

This has been an awfully wordy post so here is a cute picture to end on a cheerier note!

Wordless Wednesday

At the top of Schiehallion with friends a few months after diagnosis, approx 3,500 ft. Not the sunniest of days!

Who said you can’t run?

Diabetes is there 247. It is the house guest that has outstayed it’s welcome, the elephant in the room. When we’re challenged in life we usually have the option to walk away when the going gets tough. I’m not saying that’s what we should do, but the option is there.

Diabetes doesn’t go away. We can’t turn our backs on it because if we do it will just make its presence known even more. We have to keep it comfortable and happy and that is when it is quietest. I would love to walk away from my diabetes but I can’t. So I just need to try harder.

I posted last week about taking baby steps to improving my health. I’ve realised since then that I can’t let the diabetes ruin every aspect of my life, so in a fit of positive thinking I have signed up to run a 5K.

It is not until April, I have loads of time to ease myself in. I have recruited a friend to run with, she is running a marathon this year and works as a trainer at a gym. She knows we’ll be running at my pace, but is there to motivate me to run just that bit further. She knows about my diabetes and can reassure me that I’m not alone if I feel the hypo coming. So the pressure is on! I have a goal, let’s do this!

Monday Blues

The weekend has gone so fast. I had a great time seeing some of my nieces and nephews but suddenly it’s Monday again!

I had a pretty rocky BG weekend. Aiming to be high for a few long drives, doughnuts and 2 roast dinners caused some havoc. I had my first low in well over a week on Saturday night (2.9). It caught me quite off guard! 2.9 lower than I usually find myself and so I ended up with a rebound high despite treating in the same way I usually would.

I resolved that I would get back on track today and so far so good. I was 5.3 at lunch (95) and I’m hoping this will continue! Monday’s are hard enough without trying to resist temptation, but there are a lot of cakes right behind me that someone is selling for charity. I’ve run out of almonds to snack on and my salad for lunch was not the most filling. Must behave!

Today’s productive task should have been some meal planning for the week. We eat healthier if we structure our meals but we haven’t done that since November, it’s time to start again. But hey it’s a bit late in the day now so that can just wait until tomorrow………

Krispy Kreme

I was in Edinburgh today so I stopped off at Krispy Kreme on my way home. Yes you saw that right, I will travel 2.5 hours to buy doughnuts. A box of 12 just about keeps my family happy.

In the last year I’ve surprised myself with how skilled I’ve become at carb counting the different types of doughnuts. I couldn’t eat them every day (besides diabetes I’d be hugely overweight!) but it’s nice to know I can treat myself occasionally.

I then saw this picture this evening

I thought it was fairly accurate for how I’ve been feeling. I know longer need to think about carb counting, I just do it automatically. It is now the norm, and that’s ok.

Driving Miss Daisy

I’ve been getting some better BG results this last week thanks to a little tweaking advice from friends. In particular a high at 4pm every day seems to be on its way out (although maybe I should have left it alone, greater argument for the pump 😉 ) This is all fine, except I now have to drive around 2.5 hours this afternoon starting at 4pm.

I haven’t driven outside of my city since I was diagnosed. Any long trips I have remained as the passenger. I have full confidence in my driving ability, the trip I’m taking today I used to take a couple times a month when I was at university, but I KNOW driving can drop my BG like a stone now. So it makes me a little nervous.

I know all the ins and outs. I will test before I set up and have a low GI carb snack, and I have haribo in the car within easy reach. I know the road very well and so I know where all the safe places to pull over are. I will stop an hour in at Dundee to check BG just to be on the safe side (DVLA requirement is 2 hours but I think for me on this first long-ish trip it would be silly to wait that long). I have excellent hypo awareness and I am not silly enough to not pull over. I KNOW all of that, but it still makes me a little nervous.

I’ll be glad when it’s over and I will have proven to myself I can do it………. and then repeat it all over again tomorrow to get home!

Now I just need to get the rest of the Friday out of the way so I can get on the road…………

Baby Steps

About 3 years ago I wore a pedometer all the time. I don’t know why I stopped, I just did.

Since being diagnosed I have struggled with exercise. I’m lazy, unmotivated and terrified of having a hypo. I go low semi-regularly, the usual once or twice a fortnight, but my hypo symptoms are so similar to that of being out of breath from exercise that every time I try to go for a run I panic by the end of the street that my heart is pounding because I’m low already. What if I just collapsed in the park and no one else was around? I don’t know where this fear has come from, I’ve barely dropped below 3.6 mmol/l (64) in the last year! But apart from walking my dog, I don’t tend to do anything in the way of exercise.

Someone on the forum I use decided to “Change one Small Thing”, and that was to try and walk more everyday using a pedometer to track it. Spurred on by this I looked for my pedometer last week. Having moved house 3 or 4 times since I last wore it I obviously couldn’t find it. New pedometer purchased!

Lenny and I have a bit of friendly competition going now (and a lot of cheering each other on!). The target should be 10,000 steps a day, but I have been aiming for 5000 during the week and 8000 at the weekend where I have more time. We both have desk jobs leaving us fairly low on the step count during the day. I am in a large office so I’ve taken a few “tours” in my lunch break, using all the staircases (7 of them) to get my count up. In the evening we’ve both been getting the Wii out and playing Just Dance. I’ve discovered the “just sweat” feature (gives you an individual workout for either 10, 25 or 45 minutes) and have built myself up to the 25 minute session. In the comfort of my own home I know that if I go low there are others around to help if needed.

I’m hoping that by the summer I’ll have built my confidence up enough to go out running again. For now though, I’ll just keep taking the baby steps.

Wordless Wednesday

Pump Envy

I’m going to put this out there up front so you’re pre-warned. I am basal testing this morning, so I haven’t eaten since 9pm last night…. So I’m pretty hungry. And when I’m hungry I get grumpy and angry (or hangry as my friends and I call it!). I suspect my pitiful excuse for a levemir dose is still too high so I need to check.

When I was first diagnosed I initially said I would never want a pump. That lasted all of about 2 months, the more I heard about pumps I realised the difference it would make. The ease of control (I know hard work goes into it too!), the option to split doses for larger meals without having to do 2 injections. The different basal rates would give me more freedom out of work when I’m more active. It sounded ideal.

In Scotland (and the rest of the UK) we have the NHS which is fab. I don’t pay for a thing, prescriptions are free. But it does mean they get to withhold a pump from me due to “funding”.

I questioned the possibility of a pump in September 2013. My doctor said I was a perfect candidate, I just needed to complete the DAFNE course (Dose Adjustment For Normal Eating) first. I was already living by DAFNE rules for my treatment, but I went along to the course anyway. I didn’t learn a huge amount, I was already adjusting my doses fairly confidently myself, but it was great to be in a room with 8 other diabetics and feel “normal” for a week.

I dutifully returned to my doctor on Friday for my hbA1c etc etc. I was very disappointed by my hbA1c this time. It was still great (6.9%), but a big increase from the last time. I took this as a confirmation that my honeymoon was ending, which I had been suspecting for a while. I reminded him of our pump discussion the last time. I had done what was asked and so he could refer me for the pump now. WRONG. Not a hope in hell of that guy applying for a pump for me. He says my hbA1c has to be above 8%. I explained how I am engaged and we want to try for a baby once we’re married (pumps are recommended for pregnant women). Wouldn’t it be better to start the pump process now so I can be “settled” by the time its baby making time? Wrong again. Since I CAN get by using MDI then I will not be allowed a pump. “Pumps are for people who can’t get control any other way”

For the first time since I was diagnosed I cried my eyes out on the way home. The NHS doesn’t look at the emotional effects of diabetes. Just because I can get some level of control using MDI that doesn’t mean my life wouldn’t be easier with a pump. I would be more comfortable on a daily basis. I wouldn’t be as nervous to exercise if I could use a temporary basal rate to reduce the insulin (As it is, I’m constantly feeding the insulin when I exercise which makes weight loss near impossible). If I was allowed I would buy the pump myself if the NHS could provide all of the “disposable bits”. Big no no though.

I cried all the way home and for about 15 mintues once I was home again. I cried for the promise he’d made in September, the hope I’d lost, the honeymoon period that is ending and probably a little grieving for the life I had before T1. But eventually I stopped and remembered that actually I am alive. There are people that would kill for my hbA1C (albeit its mostly good from the remainder of the honeymoon period). There are people with no access to insulin at all, or those that have to pay for their health care and can’t afford it. MDI is only hard because I think it’s hard. I need to THINK it’s easy and then I can carry on. Positive outlook can do wonderful things.

So I’m trying. I haven’t managed it yet and even as I write this I have gotten a little teary (seems I’m hupset rather than hangry haha). The pump envy is still there, but every day I will try to see the positives of MDI and hopefully one day there will be a cure.

(Or a pump. If you can’t cure everyone then please give us all a pump!)

Weekend Ramblings

Well it’s Monday again, I don’t know where the weekend went!

After a fairly rubbish week of BG this weekend proved a nice change. My better half was away so I took advantage and got some things done that I’d fallen behind on. Monday morning I decided to do a basal test and got some surprising results. I’m going to retest this week at some point to see if it is different while I’m at work. Did the obligatory dog walk and trip to the supermarket, a general “life admin” type afternoon. I had friends over in the evening and we ordered pizza. It didn’t arrive until 10pm (after multiple angry phone calls) by which point my BG was a fantastic 4.9 (88) despite having eaten about 40g throughout the day and taking no insulin apart from my basal.

I’ve started wearing my pedometer again. I haven’t worn one in a few year, but it has provided some insight to my insulin sensitivity. I managed 8500 steps on Saturday, despite spending the morning at home so I could basal test. I know that’s below the recommended 10,000 but all in all I was fairly pleased. At least I see why I need to snack a bit more often than I would like sometimes.

The best bit about Saturday was asking my friend to be my bridesmaid. She cried. Twice. I think she was pleased!

Sunday morning I went out to see my sisters and her kids. The latest addition is only 3 weeks old and I haven’t seen her since she was 1 day old as I’ve been unwell and wanted to keep her away from that. She also has Small Fry who is 8, Brum who is 21 months and her stepson who is 17. He’s a nice kid but he always hides when I come around because my sister and I spend too much time talking about babies and weddings for his likely. My brother in Law also mysteriously disappeared. It was great to see everyone (they live about 45 minutes away).

My nephew is such a character and has a super cheeky smile right now. I’ve made plans to take the Small Fry to the cinema and shopping next Sunday and she is thrilled. I think she feels left out sometimes with 2 babies in the house.

Ended the weekend with a roast dinner once J-Ho got home. I think I’ve just about got this domestic goddess thing nailed!